Just a Daydreamer

2 Corinthians: 12:9-10

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I love the concept of these beautiful verses. His strength is perfect in our weakness. It’s poetic in its juxtaposition. The whole idea that weakness is a good thing in God’s economy is a complete contradiction by the standards of our culture. But how does this concept translate in real life?

I teach at the same school I attended in 5th and 6th grades. I have to admit, I spent a lot of time in the principal’s office during my years as a student there. My 6th grade teacher just could not tolerate daydreaming. And I have always been a daydreamer.

This teacher certainly was not the first of my teachers to notice this problem. Every year teachers tried to curb my bad habit. I was punished and shamed. I was sent to special ed. I was medicated. I was taught to cope. And I grew up ashamed of my overactive imagination.

As a mom and teacher, I understand the challenges my parents and educators faced. A kid who can’t pay attention and focus on the task at hand is bound to struggle in the formal educational system.

As I grew up, I learned to how to pause the stories that were always playing out in my mind, even if they were more interesting than real life. Sometimes, when I could carve out free time, I’d write episodes of these stories down, but I didn’t really want people to know I indulged my silly daydreams this way. That would be embarrassing. People might find out how much of my time I was wasting on the daydreams that should have stopped when I was a little girl. I went to college, got married, had children, but I never stopped filling my notebooks with stories – my guilty pleasure, my closet hobby.

During a particularly dark and challenging time in my life, amid a rocky marriage and a devastating bout of post-partum depression, I lost sight of all hope. I felt like I was useless to God. Circumstances had taken me away from all the ways I thought I was going to serve Him. On evening I was sitting on my porch, tears streaming down my cheeks, wishing I could just escape this life. I asked God what purpose was left for me.

And God answered.

Never before or since have I heard the voice of God in my spirit so vividly. It was so direct, I looked around to see who could be talking to me. God said, “I never intended you to do any of those things you have spent your life striving after. I created you to write.” Immediately a new story took shape in my mind.

That was the last day of my post-partum depression. I never felt that crippling hopelessness again. I went inside, got out my computer and began to write the story down. It was a romance, but the hero was a man who resisted God. It took five long years, but God redeemed the man. Looking back now, 13 years later, I see how God issued me a promise for the other major challenge in my life at that time. Five years later, God redeemed my husband and my marriage. But that’s a story for another day.

There is no weakness God’s grace can’t redeem. My greatest weakness became my God-given calling. Submitting to his call brought me more healing and grace than I can even express. I still don’t know what God intends to do with my writing, but I’m still pursing it, one daydream after another. How is God using your weakness to show his strength?